What feels like, a MILLION years later....

I know...its been ages since I wrote in this blog and it makes me sad that I haven't been documenting everything. Life has been pretty crazy and upside down, lately. We are now back in North Carolina and settled into a very nice townhouse in Goldsboro. Oh right, btw we are no longer in Texas. I'd really rather not go into length about why we left, so I will just leave it at...it was time to move on before the situation got out of hand. 

This townhouse complex is called The Hamptons...very lavish sounding right? LOL It is pretty nice though and I have a great view of the million dollar houses just across from the complex. hahaha The journey here has been quite an extensive and stressful one but it had to be done. I drove a little over 1400 miles by myself with the boys. Stopping only in Panama City, FL to visit my Grandma and family for a night or two. Its amazing how lost you can get in driving a distance like that. Not physically lost. Like your brain just becomes so focused on driving that you lose all sense of time. Which actually played out in my favor. I don't ever want to drive that kind of distance again but at least now I can say I've done it. Bucket list item, CHECK. Then we got home to Goldsboro and were so thankful to have a place to crash with my friend Toni, just til we got our place a few days later. Now, in getting this oh so lovely place, we are now bone dry (money wise). Rent($785), prorated rent($52), rent deposit ($200), electricity deposit ($288), water deposit ($100), and not to mention food for the kids in the fridge...because when you first move in...you have NOTHING. LOL At the end of the day, even though i'm living on coffee and ramen for the next week or so, seeing the kids happy to have a place to call their own, makes it all worth it. 

It was actually pretty empowering doing all the moving myself and setting up my home. I moved a washer, dryer, couch, bed, and everything myself. It sucked while in the process but now looking at it all and i'm crazy proud of myself. Kind of like a reassurance that i'm not a completely helpless human being. That I can be independent. 

The husband is still deployed but seems to be keeping extra busy this time around. Not having as much "Playtime". Which I think may be a good thing? To pass the time faster...not really sure. But he is on the night shift now and isn't able to talk to the kids anymore. Which is proving to be hard on them and on him. I keep him fresh in their minds but they are so little, that if they don't get to see him everyday it becomes difficult. I'm hoping it gets better for all of our sakes. 

Ta-Ta for now,

- Nay

Inter-scare 35

I know its been ages since I wrote last but honestly life has been pretty boring. If I'm going to write I like to have something to write about, besides "Yep....hung out at the house today." Which is all I've really been able to do since I've been here. One, its so damn hot here, that when you walk outside the air is literally sucked right out of you and two, I'm so damn scared of getting lost around here that I don't want to go anywhere. LOL They have interstate here called 35 and it is insane. For some reason everyone here in TX drives like they don't have a license. Its beyond cut throat and dangerous. Which makes me not want to take the kids out there but I feel too guilty to leave my kids home stuck with someone. So, that leaves me here unless I go to the gym that is right down the road....down a back road so I don't even have to look at the interstate. LOL I know i'm such a baby but if you have been here before you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. 


Plus side, I haven't really had a chance to spend any money except on necessities. But I'm sure that will change once I get the guts to jump on to 35. The good thing is, I don't really want to buy any clothes because I'm losing 20 more lbs and wasting money on clothes i'm not going to fit in about a month of so, doesn't make any sense. I will just wait til I'm where I want to be. I'm damn proud of myself so far, there have been times where a burger sounds soooo good but I've had amazing self control.  I think just the thought of the guilt I'd have after enjoying such a tasty treat helps! haha 

I am happy to say that the boys are finally settled in and a lot more comfortable since Lee brought our stuff over from NC. I think they just like having stuff around from home and honestly so do I. I'm going to work on putting pictures on the walls that I also had brought from home. I just need this one room to feel more like home for the boys and I. I'm so thankful to my Brother-In-Law, Daniel. He gave up this room for us and he has been such an amazing help to me and the kids. I'm thankful that we are here with people that care so much for us and I'm glad that it helps put Kevin's mind at ease. 

Lately, I've found myself picking fights with Kev and honestly I think it's because I miss him so much! I know that sounds silly but that's just the way I am. I don't want to cry and I don't want to show that I feel helpless without him around. I'm really trying to work on not being such a hard ass and just let my emotions show. I just get so self contiguous and scared when he isn't here with me. I know he isn't going anywhere and I know he isn't going to do anything to hurt me but I just shut down when he leaves. I know it will get better! I just wish it would get better now. LOL Anyways, when Noah talks to Kev he always says "I miss you Dede" and it breaks my heart. I'm sure it's so hard for Kev too because of course that is the one thing Noah says clear as day. haha I know this deployment will fly by once we get in the full swing of things. I can't wait to start sending him care packages. It will be fun especially with the kids here to add their touches to them. :). 

Well, I better get going. Laundry and Gym time! I would have just said GTL but I don't tan! hahaha

Ta-Ta for now!

-Nay 

Two Steps forward, no steps back.

Things are really starting to get back into routine and i'm thankful! Taylor is back to taking his normal naps in the day, Noah isn't so confused, and i'm actually doing great on my start to eating healthier. My Father-In-Law is in route to NC to drive my car here to TX. I still can't fathom someone doing something so amazing for me and my kids. I'm beyond thankful for the family God has blessed me with. 

My poor Husband had a really bad dream last night. It was about him trying to talk to Noah but Noah couldn't see him or hear him. That breaks my heart because I know how much it is killing him that Noah is taking this separation so hard. Noah has been crying for Kev almost everyday so far. When that happens I just show him pictures of Kev and tell him that Daddy loves and misses him. Now when we Skype with Kev, Noah says "I miss you". Its soo freaking sweet. 

Its been hard getting settled here in Texas, just because I've felt a bit out of place. I don't want to be in the way or over step my boundaries. But its starting to feel better already, so i'm thankful for that. I'm ready to get back into the gym! I miss the feeling of accomplishment and I can't wait to look smokin' when Kev gets home ;). As for tonight, I'm hanging out at the house just me and my boys. We are going to watch the Phineas and Ferb movie <3.

Ta-Ta for Now!

-Nay

Welcome to Texas...Goodbye Hubby =(

Well we are officially in San Antonio, TX and getting settled in. I've already started cleaning the house as though it were my own but it doesn't quite feel like home. Last night was hard. I woke up in the middle of the night and forgot where I was, then I realized that I'm really far away from Kevin. The deployment and separation has set in and it sucks. That also means its time to start my diet and get to my goal before he gets home. Goal 120lbs. Current 150lbs. I know I can do it and I will.


I opened our suitcase this morning to find two sweet cards from my husband. They made me tear up a bit because they were just so thoughtful. I'm going to miss that man so much but I know having his family around me everyday will help. I can't help but kinda feel like the air has been sucked out of me. I know it will get better with time and Skype will be my new best friend.

He is my love, my heart, and my life. I love you baby and I will miss you SO terribly.

Here's to day one.


Ta-Ta for now!
-Nay

Back from the Maine Land

I'M BACK! 

Hope you all didn't miss me too much because I really didn't miss technology while enjoying this beautiful view. Okay, okay! So, I missed it a little bit but this past week in Maine was AMAZING! Its just so peaceful up North and you don't see a whole lot of ghetto around those parts. The photo above is a picture of Booth Bay in Maine. Literally, one of the most breath taking places I have been to in years. The air is so fresh and the "lobstah", to die for. I've never eaten seafood so fresh.

This vaca was probably the least stressful trip I have ever been on in my life. Okay, yes I was on Xanax as well but that aside...I probably could have gone without it. I loved every member of the McGuire family that I was able to meet. Even the forewarned, Uncle Ron. He is a very big man, with an even bigger opinion. But I love him to death! Honestly, I think we could use more people like Uncle Ron in this world. Then there's his Wife, Jenn, and daughter Shannon. Both such amazing girls! I definitely fell right in love with them and their awesome personalities! Close for life, I can see it. His son, Collin was a very kind boy =]. Kevin's Grammie Linda and Grampie Lee Sr. are by far the most kind hearted and loving people I've ever meet. I'm thankful to be apart of such a great family. 

Kev's older Brother, Chris, was able to join us with his family. Jen, Coty, and Riley. Chris and Jen aren't married yet but the plan is to seal the deal next year in New Hampshire. Also, just to keep the good news coming at you, Jen is pregnant again. Riley being only 6 months old will put her boys 13 months apart. WHEW! They will definitely need patience. Coty, being 13 is the typical boy but he is a GREAT kid. I look forward to seeing all of them at Chris and Jen's wedding.

I could go on to vent about how terrible United Airlines was and how awkward some moments of the trip got...but honestly the good times I had while up North completely out weigh any of that. Now we are back home and getting ready to start a new chapter of life as Deployed Spouse. As hard as its going to be I will be with my amazing family in Texas. They are all so loving and helpful, that this deployment won't be as hard. Especially Cathy, Kev's Mom, we have really gotten close and i'm thankful for that. 

We did so much in one week and I could go on and on but literally I would write a novel. So, i'll leave it at that for now. 

Ta-Ta for now!

- Nay 

(My little family in front of Grammie and Grampie's house)

Family makes this world go round.

I've spent the last two days with my little Sister. I'm trying to get as much time in with my siblings and my parents before I take off for the next 8 months. My Sister and Brother are growing so fast, they are both almost in high school! That's so weird to me because I look at them and see is the babies I grew up around. I'm actually going to spend sometime with my Mom on Monday, which will be nice because we really haven't had too much me and her time. 


We are down to two days before we leave for Maine. It is coming up so fast and my anxiety is starting to spike. I haven't been taking my Xanax because i'm scared to run out! The last thing I need is to run out while i'm away and not have any for the fly back and to Texas. For now I just sit with the anxiety. Everything in the house is pretty much done. My Sister and I cleaned the walls that hadn't been done quite yet. All that is really left is the yard but I figure we will do that when we get back from Maine. I'll have to take a picture of my beautiful weed garden...and no, not the weed that you smoke. I'm telling you the weeds in there are OUT OF CONTROL! I think once it hit a certain point, I just didn't care anymore and it started to become a joke of how bad can it really get. Its whatever though, once I clean it out for the last time i'll never have to worry about it again. Thank God. 


That's about all that's going on with me atm. Boring I know but moving IS boring! 


Ta-Ta for now!
-Nay

My Heart.

Taylor Andrew. 9 1/2 months old and already starting to stand on his own. I swear I still look at him and see my tiny little boy. But he is getting so big and is full speed ahead. He does his best just to keep up with his big Brother and you can tell he loves him so very much. Its great because after having such a picky eater in Noah, now we have a baby that will literally eat ANYTHING you hand him. hahaha He is my little chunky boy. I've called him Roo-Roo or Rooster from day one and the story behind it is funny. When I use to breast feed, Taylor use to Root at EVERYTHING, even when he wasn't hungry. So I starting saying "Always Root Rooting", then turned into Roo Roo, and eventually landed at Rooster. I'm so amazed by him everyday and I'm just beyond blessed to have my handsome little sweetie.

I woke up this morning to find my adorable Noah laying beside me. He doesn't make it a habit to climb in bed with me. So, the few times that he does I love to cuddle with him. He is getting to be such a big boy and he has the sweetest little personality. Everywhere we go he says "Hi" to everyone. He is learning so much everyday that he blows me away sometimes. I love that he is a Mama's boy too. Its always so nice to feel needed even though he can be really independent with a lot of things.  2 1/2 already and its come too fast. Please slow down, your still Mama's baby.

Man, you never know how much your heart can really love until you have kids. People can try and describe it all the want but you never really know until you feel it for yourself. That cry we heard the first time with Noah is something I can never explain but I felt pure joy. It was amazing with Taylor too don't get me wrong. Becoming a Mom has been the most rewarding thing in my whole life. I can never ever imagine my life without then and I pray to God that I will never have too. My boys are my everything, they are my heart.

As the day comes to a close, I get ready for bed to look over and see my oldest baby boy, sleeping so peaceful. Thank you God for these precious gifts you gave to me. Thank you isn't even enough for how blessed I am by my boys everyday. I worry about them everyday and I pray for their safety everyday. 

Noah & Taylor,

You are Mama's entire world and you always will be. I will love you unconditionally as I have from the first moment I laid eyes on you, for your whole lives and beyond. I will always be here for you and will hold you at any age. Because you are my heart and everything that it stands for. I'm so blessed that you were put into my life and I wouldn't change a thing in the world. 

Love, Mama